I'm bored out my mind.

Employers: I'm open.

October couldn't come quickly enough.

The Olympic Games are over

Much sadness

The Olympic Flame going out: *sob*

I want everyone who is skeptical or just plain against nuclear power to click this link.

Click

I've had the hiccups three times today

This does not please me.

NEWS JUST IN: Pope to sell snake oil

Speaking at a trade fair in Spain, Pope Benedict XVI told newspapers that it has been revealed to him that no good Catholic is with without a bottle of his special brew.

Oh my god!!

Big frigin blocks of ice are falling from the sky!!!

(That was a 12% exageration)

Lock up your daughters

Lock up your sons while you're at it beacause it's cooooold out there.

Search through the crap that was Yeti Pages 1.0 to read about how a developed an adult sense of temperature from my childhood 'you're going to bury me in ice? cool' view of winter.

The weather today has been terrible. Terrible isn't the weather but that it's been changing all day. I hate change. It's been going sleet-sun-sleet-sun all day. If it would just stick with one I could apply the correct clothing. But instead I still end up wearing exactly the wrong thing giving my nipples the curious property of being able to deflect bullets.

ROLL ON SUMMER! Or at least summer evenings, I'm not so hot on summer middays.

I think I'll buy a hat this summer, if I ever get employed. I look good in hats. I'm trying to find a straw stetsonish hat that doesn't have to be imported from way out west or way out east or from way out anywhere but here.

Anyway, kids. I'm off to duct tape up the draft coming though my window. That's right, through my window. And watch some winter olympics.

My 5 a day

 

Dear Intelligent Designer...

As you probably know my wisdom teeth are coming through now, and yet you have made my mouth too small meaning as I eat my meals I'm slowly chewing through my cheeks.

If you could change this I'll be eternally grateful.

Many thanks.

T. Yeti

I have come to the conclusion that the greatest tragic song ever produced is 'Disco 2000' by Pulp.

What's the missing word?

______ represents indulgence, instead of abstinence!

______ represents vital existance, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

______ represents undefiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self-deceit!

______ represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!

______ represents vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!

______ represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for psychic vampires!

______ represents man as just another animal, sometimes beter, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development," has become the most vicious animal of all!

______ represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!


______ has been the best friend the ****** has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!


(The ****** word has been removed to make it not so easy)

motherfucker

tonight my computer dies

The junk on telly

So next week sees Channel 4 broadcasting a program called 'Going Cold Turkey'. In Channel 4's latest freak show we see a group of heroin addicts, as the name suggests, eat cold left overs.

Ho ho how I jest.

Having seen one advert for the program I can extrapolate certain features about the event:

It will be hosted by Davina McCall;

The group will be in the domain of the pimp of pimps Big Daddy;

Each night viewers will vote which member of the group will be kicked out and forced to go it alone, camera crew in tow;

At least 75% of the call charge will go to the RSPCA;

Big Daddy will set tasks such as a bottle of morphine will be dangled in front of the persons eyes via a stick attached their forehead while their arms are tied behind their back. Or several packets of C17H17NO will be locked in a safe and group members are given a selection of implements to get into the safe (and if that is accomplished to be used on each other). The purpose of this for the viewers’ entertainment, any therapy gained by the group is a bonus;

Throughout the program pop-psychologists will talk about something, probably made up, while holding their CVs up to the camera;

The last person not on the streets wins £100,000 worth of smack.



You laugh now. You just wait.

Why does my computer insist on pissing me off?

NEWS JUST IN: Kate Moss suffers paper cut

Doctors say a ten hour opperation will be required to reattach the limb

For all those alone on Singles Awareness Day

I told you love was neurochemistry

Future exciting

Brain dish

Happy Singles Awareness Day

Let the moans of over commercialisation begin!

Anatomy of a stupid comment

A stupid comment always starts:

"I'm not a (adjective here), but..."

E.G.

"I'm not a physicist, but..."

"I'm not a racist, but..."

"I'm not a terrorist expert, but..." (usually found on 24 hour news stations)

Thinking of buying a CD microsystem in the near future?

I recomend the 'ALBA SYS2548USB Microsystem'. A most impressive peice of equipment.

Happy Darwinmass

HAPPY 197th BIRTHDAY CHARLES DARWIN!!!!

Because I can't get the word out of my head

That cylinder where you see a moving image by looking through slots in the side of the cylinder is called a zoetrope.

Space is a harsh mistress

From the department of Bloody Hell:

Did you know that the sun looses several million tonnes of stuff - every second? This has been going on for a few billion years and will continue to happen for the next five billion years, give or take. That's a lot of seconds. A star has to be a certain mass in order for nuclear fusion to occur, this means this stuff being blown off into space is spare. Can you imagine anything so massive? It almost makes you want to believe in a god.

The sun isn't the only heavenly body that pulls off this trick, any planet with an atmosphere does the same thing, for us that means air, people. Though the scale isn't the same as the sun (phew). Slowly the atmosphere is thinning (on a slight tangent the moon's orbit is slowly decaying due to friction from the tides). IN the opposite direction a load of space dust (shooting stars and their less vain friends) are falling to earth all the time. What does this mean? You'll eventually suffocate but your flower beds will be extra thick.

Ping

Last night I washed my hair. Apart from a couple of bats flying out it was a pretty uneventfully affair, so I won't go into detail about it.

When the hair is wet it's pulled straight by it's own weight and gradually curls as it dries.

Last night I felt a small ping on the top of my head, it was a clump of hair snapping from straight to curly. At this I was amazed.

Next week: In growing toe nails.

Gangs of New York

Well there's three hours of my life I want back.

Got Twain?

When you think about it...

HOLY HORROR!!!!

No.7- But who's Eve?

Today's mini-game

Say

"I am adamant that I'm Adam Ant"

Fifty times.

Guess what I'm wearing

If you answered "blue jeans, grey t-shirt, socks" you'd be wrong.

If you answered "knee length black socks, light blue boxer shorts, an out of control beard, pigtails" you'd be right on the money.

100 things unlikey to change your life

69: I might be boring but I won't spontaneously split into two.

GWB vs Biotech

Anyone else scared he is in charge of the (current) most powerful nation on the planet?