Things I might be heard to say in the near future #947507

It's not fat, it's buoyancy aid.

Be negative

September last year some people in uniforms stuck needles in me.

They looked offical.

But that means nothing.

They took a couple of pints of blood.

A few weeks later they sent a thank you note saying "We want more".

They also told me my blood was of the B- flavour.

Less than 2% of the country has this type of blood.

This makes me feel special.

Just another reason why we should talk in numbers

The indefinate article 'a' is used before a singular noun, and 'an' before a noun beginning with a vowel.

So why don't we say "an university" ?

Dvorak

Ladies and gentelmen let me tell you about dvorak.

Dvorak will make you faster.

Dvorak will make you stronger.

Dvorak will make you more accurate.

Dvorak will make your fingers seize up and you'll want to shoot * yourself in the head.

Dvorak is a rearangement of the keys on the keyboard designed to do the above (the latter is an unoffical goal).

Remember back to when you first started on a keyboard, pressing keys with one finger on each hand (if that) and taking approximatly thirty seven minutes to find the key you are looking for. Well learning dvorak is a little like that, but much much worse.

On my keyboard I've stuck little stickers on each of the keys with their dvorak corrospondent. To avoid my sister moaning I haven't covered the letter of the standard keyboard (still moaned later I add), so on my keyboard I've got two sets of letters. Couple this with my dyslexia and finding the letter I need is where the "shoot yourself in the head bit comes in".

Ok ok, technically I haven't been diagnosed with dyselxia, but I have a strong suspision and as soon as I can afford the test I'm getting them done.

To try to learn this demonic layout I thought the best way would be to temporarilly remove my self imposed exile from MSN messenger for the dive in at the deep end technique, this is where the "fingers seizing up" bit comes in. My thumb has gone through several shades of blue, purple and black and is experimenting with falling off altogether. To write a reply on MSN in 'standard' time is impossible, before I've finished typing it out I've forgotten what I was talking about.

However, I'll stick with it out of guilt of my mum spending 99p on the sticky labels.





* denotes where I gave up trying to type this out in dvorak and switched to standard.

Please excuse the expletive

There is some weird shit going on in my stomach.

Tattoo

If I ever get a tattoo, which is unlikely anyway, I'd get one that has a bit of practicality to it.

Maybe the instructions to the VCR on the back of my hand.

Or 'If you can see this I'm upside down' written on the soles of my feet.

Good day/Bad day

Good day: I was told that I look like Star-Wars Ewan McGregor

Bad day: It was my sister who said this

My virtual democracy

I've come to the conclusion that democracy doesn't work.

Please, don't get me wrong I don't think this is a case of a kid growing up finding that the world is tough and lashing out at it. My opinion is that in elections people are forced to vote for the fittest candidate, fittest in the same sense as 'survival of the...'. A person may agree with a candidate so far but disargee (maybe) slightly less afterward, s0o this means a person isn't fairly represented.

And there's this freedom thing. Supposedly we live in the land of the free. Then why so many lawyers? Ok, that might have been a bit of a teenage rant. It's the product of reading about libertarianism on the God of Knowledge.

Anyway. I have decided to found my own country with likeminded people. If I can get off my ever expanding arse I might learn a bit of Java before I spend three years working with it and teaching machines to think, this will be key to my country. A small group of hackers (please look up the correct meaning of the term of the afformentioned God) purchasing a small bit of land in some godforsaken place like Siberia or Delaware and then declaring independence.

Now this is where programming computers will be crucial. As a small country we make the law, do we want to make a data haven? I think it might be an investment, and even if we don't we can simply export software and import everything we'll need. We should soon be one of the richest countries per whatever you care to count it against.

I've been doing a jigsaw of the world lately and I've come to the conclusion that a political boundry is possibly one of the stupidest things ever, but that's a rant for another time.

Who's with me?

Everyone has a price

I become bisexual at the £1,000,000,000 mark

My personal hell #73658

Trapped in a room filled with people who say 'Jaa know what a mayn?' in the middle of every sentence.

From the mouth of Philpot

"Law is the opinion of the man with the biggest gun."